It’s a year today since I received my formal diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome – an autistic spectrum condition – and after initial relief, came a very steep learning curve culminating, largely, in total trust in my instincts over logic which can be completely subjective.
The most beneficial but difficult element has been in discovering who my friends are NOT, followed by understanding the meaning of words like ‘support’ and ‘service’ – often translating, very accurately, as a means by which to exploit someone with a vulnerability for one’s own ends. I was aware of that and fell out with my employers because of it but I hadn’t counted on being in that situation myself as I went on to discover, despite the knowledge of my diagnosis. My instinct remained to trust and expect that others would ‘do the right thing – why wouldn’t they?’
Well there are lots of reasons. Weakness is at the basis of all the reasons and cowardice drifts in at various points too, but it is clear that many think they just have the right to take without ever giving and will be aware of doing real harm to people because they want what they want despite that knowledge. So my naivety was laid so bare that even I saw it and how my employers must have seen it too, given how they changed every aspect of the productive work I had delivered on which they had relied so much until my objection to their exploitation of the service users.
I understood why the demoralised staff were being shunted out and replaced by those who would play the game of caring instead of actually caring. I realised why the more troublesome service users were also being shunted out in favour of easier to care for and exploit service users. I realised that the persons at the Union who were supposed to be representing me – having taken my membership payment each month – were friends and former colleagues of our local Council members responsible for shutting most local services in favour of my employers, in a back handed mini privatisation of care with appalling consequences, masked very neatly.
They had representatives on the Council using the exact same terminology as my employers – the awful term by which learning disabled adults used to be ‘categorised’ saying ‘ thank goodness we don’t used terms like that anymore’ and yet they are the only ones still doing so to imply in the most insidious way, that they care for them and their well being. Many know otherwise and also know that the only way to be absolutely sure that a learning disabled adult whom you love will receive the correct care is to do it yourself or be on the Board or Committee of any organisation claiming to do so. Watch the rounds of financing too. It’s a closed shop. Charity is not charitable. Nor does it practice principles it espouses. Those that do – in the interest of fairness – speak up and reveal those you know that don’t and that goes for regulators too.
In a typically autistic way, I’d rather be left out in the cold than be associated with the sort of people low enough to lie and connive and aim to ruin a good life because they cannot manage any true goodness themselves – all while hiding behind the trite and tired veil of respectability of religious faith – well we’ve all seen how respectable that is seen to be in recent times. I hope they do go on to meet their maker and be judged but the likelihood is that their future generations will pay through shame and embarrassment when the misdemeanours of their forbears come back to haunt them.
That would be a bit like our Union Reps and Councillors and their more successful party colleagues facing obliteration when they begin to be seen for what they are and pay for it as happened here in Scotland – watch this space…
Now having a diagnosed disability is all well and good unless you want to just get on with the life you’ve had – recognising that you still – now wait for it – have ability. The primary one being seeing liars and cheats for what they are and not being afraid to just point that out. The other is being right which seems to be hard for many people to swallow when you are right about them being, basically corrupt, but birds of a feather stick together and I always visualise them as those tiny individual sheep turds that stick in a clump, with the odd one falling by the way side. I see a little face – sometimes two faces in one faeces – imagine that, when I think of all those little shits who let me down, and I laugh to myself at how they let themselves down because they are well and truly stuck with each other while I have cast off the detritus in my life to be left with a stronger than ever and happier relationship and a group of people whom I can, truly, for possibly the first time in my whole life, call friends – not just people I know in a social circle but friends.
People with a vulnerability are not always easy to pick out unless you’re of a mind to use them. That must be in your make up and sometimes we will recognise you for what you are and sometimes we won’t – at first. But then, when you think about it everyone has some vulnerability. It’s part of being human. Vulnerabilities may change over a lifetime as we learn from life. A disabling vulnerability may be got around allowing one to continue with a fruitful and productive life – thank you Mr S W Hawking but a person being intentionally dishonest for personal gain while harming individuals for whom they have accepted a position of trust and care giving, must surely know how very, very vulnerable they are. I believe so because I have witnessed and experienced the depths to which they will plummet to protect themselves and their clan. Think about it. Were any of my raised concerns wide of the mark in any way and they were decent, responsible and honest people, then they would have been happy to have reassured me, corrected me and demonstrated how I had been mistaken. Instead, the drawbridge fell faster than a certain Manager’s knickers are well known to have ‘fallen’ regularly in former times. Well they’re not taking any threat to their lifestyle lying down, ironically. I look forward to their next instalment and so should you, in a very public way. It’s only a matter of time and they seem only too happy to provide more evidence of their guilt. Honestly, as if it were necessary. So who is vulnerable?